Had i always remind myself to stay strong. And i tell you , it had never been easy staying strong.
I've been betrayed by both of them , yet still,i wonder why . Because of them ,i no longer trust anyone . I was simply in a vulnerable position. Millions of words could describe me how i felt that day . Unfortunately,No one knew.
Because of both of them i no longer trust anyone. But only my mum and Allah . He heard my prayers,he answered my prayers. And Alhamdulillah , it was answered. Although i didt shared it with my mum,she was there to give me love and care ,thats all i needed. Rather than lies and betrays. Both of them gave me that. Thank god both of you blew it. And i doodged the bullet . Glad you both showed it . & i saw the real you.
I thought that she was my true friend. I thought so. Now,she used to be my friend.
I thought he would never do it again. i thought so . And he did.
There was a time , i thought you did everything right. No lies. No wrongs. I guess i've been out of my mind.
I knew it . I knew it all along. Honestly , i just dont want to believe it.
Yet still,till now. It seem so hard for me to forgive both of you . God damn it. Its just magnificient of what both of you are capable of doing. You both take me by surprise,really . Its like a roller coaster ride expect , i dont know where it ends.
I admit i was impressionable. Well, we are humans and we exposed to different kind of people.
i just wanna say thanks for hating and hurting me because your hurt and hate gave me strength and made me stronger .
I bet it sucks to be you right now.
May god bless both of you .
"Forgiveness might make us look weak . But the weakest person is the one who holds anger,hatred,&revenge"
I hope what i had given you .. you won't threw it away , in fact, i hope you take it and make it as memories. Alot of things I've kept to myself , it had never been easy . Don't talk about trust yet . Its not trust it's my way of controlling the past,my emotion and myself . I know I've change , I know . It's not easy , it had never been . I did not expect the circumstances to be like this. Its doing it to me. I know whats gonna happen to the future I know. I sacrifice myself for you because i love you. I know it may seem very hard to understand. Im not asking you to be in my shoes . But face it,im struggling right now. Im not blaming anyone. Im blaming myself , cause at first place i knew what is going to happen , i knew . But i didt expect it to hit me real hard. I know I've changed,i know ... Give me time , cause im confused with myself , why? cause im afriad . I've been understanding people so much until i forgot that i need to understand myself before others . Let me fix myself for awhile . Im at the loosing edge and it hurts .To have this feeling of giving up to myself when i know I had made you into a better person . I swore i had never felt this way before . I thought i was strong enough but i need to be stronger . You've given all out to change. I see that . Its not you right now , its me . Im struggling really bad ,swear had i never ,ever had this feeling. Maybe,I've kept it to myself for a very long time until it breaks down . I thought i could ,but i was wrong. I never regret loving you . I regret not loving myself .... Let me take this blame darla ... I had no clue right now .... trying to figure out myself what had i gone wrong. Its frustrating ,it suck,BIG time. It really is . I dont know how to make these words into sentences its jumbling up everywhere . I need to be strong and i am one. I can get through this , i can . Now,let me have a breather....before i text you.. let me relax .... I dont wanna pour out everything to you . I know theres no use of me crying over a spilled milk . No i had no one else. I don't . Believe me when i said i am a faithful girl.. I had fall , and its time for me to get back up with my own feet . Its so much pain in my chest .. Hope im not too late before everything that belongs to you and me , began to belong to someone else ... we fight , we fuss , and everything seem that nothing is right .. but slowly ,it make sense. I just want to hear one thing .. just one.. Im not asking for more. Pardon me darling , if i had hurt you . I did not have any tension to do that to you ... I know you are thinking , what happen to the old me,why she is like this,Why she is not entertaining me like she used too.. Lastly , Why have she changed .. .. Its hard to explain . Its hard to say it , It is ... unspoken to me.. For what i know , the past keeps bugging me .. im trying . To you , it seem that i am not trying .. but i am . Hang in there darla ... im trying to pick myself up ... love you.
well ,what more can i say right? Things that had been done cant be undone. Therefore am staying strong and i am keeping my lip sealed. its okay, i can get through this. I'll be fine. No one can understand how i feel,i don't mind keeping everything inside ,everything to myself. I just don't want to ruin's some one's pride . I know i can pull this through . I can ,it had always been me,feeling it.I got nothing kind to say ,i should shut my mouth even if its hurts me,burn me inside,feel me with anger but i don't want that behaviour to be inside of me. Its okay if my heart shatters into pieces i can fix it back .This is what i get in return . Its life,i cant expect something great to happen . I even cant be waiting for someone to lend a hand when i fall. I need to get back up.
if you ever made a choice in you life,its already a decision you had made. Somehow,you gave people chances,so many chances yet still they took advantage. Knowing that IF they ever did the SAME mistake again,they will give you a chance. Maybe this person is kind enough till you took advantage of her.
She said nothing but she kept everything inside. Having said that ,TRUST is the only way . But how,when theres alot out there covering you and believe you. She might be one of them , but not anymore. EVIDENCE might work.
she did read the girl's blog. Well,what can she say. It had been done,it can be un-done. This girl,she don't mind bottling everything inside. Cause she thought that you were mature enough to realize. But instead,of you realizing she need to step up. She can't take it anymore. She's at her loosing end. But can you see it?no.
Yes you tried to change but you're not showing her anything that she deserves after all those things you did. What can she say? yes its the past but what can she do? Its your mistake,not hers. Despite that fact that you did,she still understand . But have you tried to understand her? Right now,its up to you . She is really holding on tight. She just needs you to realize. If you can't then the answer is really obvious. her hands are over her head thinking, What else could go wrong? Tell her .
Falling a thousand feet per-second you STILL take me by surprise. She knew it but she just dont want to believe it.
Had i always remind myself to stay strong.